I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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