her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
