On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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