that's an acceptable place to lick
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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