Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
