I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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