party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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