What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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