if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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