Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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