My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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