Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
