is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
