What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
