Don't you send me to vm
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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