I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
