pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
