i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
