Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
