Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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