i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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