omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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