dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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