What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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