Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
