I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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