I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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