i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
