Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
