My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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