Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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