It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
