you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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