someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
