Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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