Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
