i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
