apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
