I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
