from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
