So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
