I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
