Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
