I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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