My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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