Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
