It's like God shit irony all over that family
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
