I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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