it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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