If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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