I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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