bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
