i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
