why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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