we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Four minutes until I can fart!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...