I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed