My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?