I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care